Dream

Last night, I had a really intense, immersive dream about my wedding.  Ironically, it was based around the idea that the whole thing came and went with seemingly little involvement from me.  I showed up, my decorations were (sort of) there, I quickly got drunk to calm my nerves, I walked down the aisle, I watched my friends dancing as I scurried around the yard collecting metal charms instead of conversing or celebrating with anyone.  Then everything was over, and everyone went home as dawn was breaking.  I was left standing there in my dewey/dirty wedding dress, holding a stack of polaroids from the night.  My parents had gone to bed and Franco was nowhere to be found.  I woke up feeling very lost and panicked with an empty feeling in my chest. 

I've felt that feeling before.  It was a few years ago at Burning Man.  I wasn't ready for the event in any way, but it happened anyway, and I couldn't enjoy myself.  Then everything was over.  One year gone, good luck next year!  

Three months to go til the wedding.  I'm taking this dream as a sign.