Last night, I had a really intense, immersive dream about my wedding. Ironically, it was based around the idea that the whole thing came and went with seemingly little involvement from me. I showed up, my decorations were (sort of) there, I quickly got drunk to calm my nerves, I walked down the aisle, I watched my friends dancing as I scurried around the yard collecting metal charms instead of conversing or celebrating with anyone. Then everything was over, and everyone went home as dawn was breaking. I was left standing there in my dewey/dirty wedding dress, holding a stack of polaroids from the night. My parents had gone to bed and Franco was nowhere to be found. I woke up feeling very lost and panicked with an empty feeling in my chest.
I've felt that feeling before. It was a few years ago at Burning Man. I wasn't ready for the event in any way, but it happened anyway, and I couldn't enjoy myself. Then everything was over. One year gone, good luck next year!
Three months to go til the wedding. I'm taking this dream as a sign.